Steve Ballmer and your Google Profile are both Awesome!

It's only barely day 2 of SMX West and I've already learned a ton about search marketing, the internet, and life in general.

First off, Steve Ballmer is kind of loud and sometimes a bit aggressive, but he's also awesome. He's very funny and his candor was enlightening to say the least. Ballmer hinted about his secret Twitter profile which now has the internet buzzed then instantly bored (it's devoted to his son's basketball team). Also, Microsoft isn't buying Facebook or Twitter today, but he didn't rule it out for tomorrow. Of course, he also talked about this whole Google Buzz privacy issue and Microsoft's take on it (basically, he's not taking sides, but it didn't sound like he minds when they get into trouble). He even polled the audience to see if any of us were peeved at Google, but asking a bunch of SEOs if they are pissed at Google is like asking day-traders if they hate the stock market. Sure, they hate it, but not as much as they love it. After all, Google is a black box, but it's a black box full of MONEY!!

That leads me to the Google Profile discussion (my Google profile if you are interested). If you don't know what it is, go check it out. Basically, this is a portal to my life. If you ever need to interview me for a job, that's where you should start. Now I know some folks are privacy freaks (especially since the Google Buzz breakdown), but I'm not. I'm an open book. Honestly, this is mostly because that's just the way of the world. I could fight it, and you could still find all of that stuff really easily. So, I embrace it. And if you have your own business, you should love it, cherish it, give it flowers everyday and always say "I love you" before bed.... Why?

Well, here's what those crazy folks at Google do behind the scenes. First, it takes all of those networks and contacts and adds them into their black box full of money. All those fans of yours on Facebook, all those folks who follow you, those Google Buzz contacts who stalk you now, all those friends, are suddenly thrown into the box. So, you sell wine? Now when those fans of yours Googles for a red that pairs with steak, your site has moved from 500th to 10th. You provide consulting on merchandising, well, that network is now in the box too, so when your buddy's, buddy's buddy on Twitter searchers for a place to blow $250 an hour on advice, BOOM, there you are. Enjoy your wonderful organic super-fertilizer. And your mommy-blog, well, you'll be the envy of the entire PTA as you'll have more followers than the middle school!

Yes, it is a very scary thing, this Google. I don't blame you for instantly shutting your profile off, especially if you are still hiding from that college ex. But, if you are a business, your Google Profile represents you in the box. The more your put into the Google black box, the more money you get to take out!

Spirit Airlines Really Thinking Of The Box

Sorry, I couldn't resist the headline. Nope, that wasn't a typo. That was irresponsible of me. Of course, this is just a tiny little blog, not worried about a corporate reputation, not worried about longterm brand impacts, and frankly, not really trying to sell a thing. So, basically I am everything that Spirit Airlines is not. And yet, Spirit Airlines thought that a sweet Muff Diving email campaign was a good idea.

Frankly, when I see companies doing this, I assume they are going down.

Do You Trust Amazon?... (The 21st Century Wal-Mart)

Well, I for one am bummed. I love Amazon.com. It is generally my first stop for shopping. I generally feel like they provide great customer service and super pricing. And I generally find that I trust them, an odd emotion to attach to a retailer. After today, though, my trust is waning.

Today I heard that Amazon.com was doing some "Lightning Deals" on some fairly hot video games, including Assassin's Creed 2. This went on super lightning deal sale at 12pm EST, which I heard about from a friend. However, when I went to the site, the price was still the same. I figured, hmm, crappy sale. But no, it turned out (as you can see in the picture) that you would get a different price if you knew where to look. Let me say that again:

Amazon.com has different prices for the exact same items, depending on where on the site you find it!

This is bad news... How will I ever be sure that I'm paying a good price when I shop at Amazon? What if there's a deal going on I can't find? What if there's another sub-site I just simply don't know about?... Not only is this bad for pricing, but it's just plain terrible customer service. Given the fair pricing laws out there, it may also be illegal (as less savvy consumers skew towards protected demographics).

Amazon, knock out this amateur hour BS. You are better than this.

10 Top Costco Sucks And I'm Not Going To Take It... ANYMORE!!!

Costco has earned it's way onto the list of places that I won't go to even if I will save a ton of money. Now that list includes Costco and Wal-mart. Wal-mart I think everyone gets. You sacrifice customer service and sanity to save a bunch of money. But at Costco, they charge you money to shop there. This should mean that you don't have to sacrifice on service, and when you shop there, it should not make you want to kill people. Since I went there for 10 minutes yesterday and got so mad I had to leave, I'll share this note to the world. Costco is awful, and here are 10 reason why.

Top 10 reasons why Costco Sucks:

10. The parking lot at the one I go to is crooked. So you have to weave in and out of cars to go from your car to the door. Stoopid!

9. The greeter is generally an a-hole who doesn't do anything other than pretend to look for membership cards

8. They are always out of carts

7. The produce is AWFUL!!!... I saved a ton of money on green peppers, sure, but who cares if you open the bag up and they are all beat up. What is it you are doing to these freaking things?

6. The selection is terrible… Give me a break, does every person that shops at Costco all wear the same type of deodorant, or is it just me?

5. Where are the walnuts!?

4. Do you like zombies? Cause if you do, I know where to find some. They are slowly pushing a cart down the middle of every isle at every Costco on earth. Don't worry, though, these zombies won't eat you. All they will do is impeed you from being able to push your cart by, forcing you to stare at the 30 pound bag of jalepeno poppers for what seems like hours, wishing you had done a better job on last years resolutions, so this years resolutions wouldn't result in your inability to devour jalepeno poppers. CRAP!

3. Again, I'm paying you to shop here?... Why? The prices aren't that good (do the math on that 37 pack of 9 ounce Cokes - I promise you'll be kicking yourself for a year) and customer service is simply non-existant.

2. Costco also sucks relatively speaking, because grocery stores have started sucking a lot less. The prices are really coming down. I highly recommend you check out a Safeway if you haven't been in a while. The quality is top notch on everything and the prices are fairly decent. Also, if you are near an employee, instead of acting like you are either invisible or a burden to their existance, they'll say something pleasant like "can I help you find anything?" or "have a nice day". It's refreshing.

1. The lines at check-out are absolutely dehumanizing. I feel like I must be in line to pay for something absolutely awesome like Space Mountain, or to see a 2-headed bearded lady. But no, I'm in line to pay for my effing groceries. Holy crap I feel dumb.

Stay Away!

Harrah's Total Rewards is the Best, Customer Service is SUCKS

I'm a big-time follower of loyalty products and loyalty marketing. I think rewards programs are a great way to keep customers coming back, or from straying too far. I love my Starwood Amex, and almost always stay at Starwood properties. When they won't take Amex, my Chase Freedom VISA Sig gets all of my spending. Both cards have very valuable earn/burn ratios, and great customer service when it is necessary, though that is rare. Of course, there are other types of rewards programs out there, of which the one I'm most familiar with is for Casinos. I'm a member of almost all of the programs, and was very interested today to see what the industry considers the best. According to some article in AdAge (referenced here by Colloquy, something I actually read), Harrah's Total Rewards program is the best in the casino business. That's great for Harrah's, and it should be great for me since I'm a member. The problem is, the other parts of Harrah's customer relationship model is completely F'd.

Here's a quick summary of my experience when we were comped at the Caesar's Palace in Atlantic City, in the Spring of 2009 (note, about the bottom of the economy). I'm going to go with bullet points, so maybe it's easier to read:

• So, when we get there and check in, they tell us that we were not booked at Caesar's after all, instead we were at Bally's, a couple doors down. No biggie, it is close.
• Bally's... is a shithole
• As we walk from Caesar's to Harrah's to Bally's (all the same company), we attempt to play table games with a mixed set of Harrah's chips. They tell us they can only accept from the casino we are at. At one point, I have to get a manager because we had taken a cab from another Harrah's joint and didn't want to pay $60 and an hour of our time to turn my $500 into playable chips. Eventually I said something to the effect of "I'm not walking away until you cash these chips, I'm going to go play these and lose them again, just make it happen"... The guy eventually collapsed. My guess is that this is a breakage strategy (don't cash chips, people leave with chips, we pocket the money).... This is basically the ultimate "screw you customers" of customer service.
• My wife was winning and getting real excited about it at the Roulette table. They decided she must have been intoxicated (though she wasn't) and told her that she was cut off from free drinks because they "practice responsible gambling"... Of course, they didn't cut her off from actual gambling. Ridiculous.
• On the day of check out, we asked for an extra hour. They told us every half hour we stayed past check out would cost us $50. Again, remember, they had comped us! Why give us 3 free nights and then treat us in such a manner that we wouldn't go back if they paid us!!

It was so bad we were thinking about complaining to every one and their mothers. But then we decided why bother? It was so bad we didn't want anything free from them. No more comped rooms or shitty buffets, so what's the point? I think maybe I'll still crash there for free every now and then, but my ass will be at a chair in the Borgota when it comes to gambling.

So, good job Harrah's Total Rewards - It must be nice to have such a rewarding program. Too bad everything else about your loyalty model sucks ass. These are easy things to fix. Start to care about your customers, all of them. Make it a place worth staying. Don't treat us like scum. Break your breakage models. If you are loyal to me, I'll be loyal to you.

ESPN360 Finally Works on Comcast!

Comcast has finally allowed ESPN360, the home of all sports, to work with their cable network. I wonder how many customers their delay cost them... I was on the verge of switching to FIOS myself - guess this will save them a couple months.

Anyways, Hokies come on at noon. I'll be in the bar with my tiny laptop and a large beer. Hooray beer.

You're Invited to My Windows 7 Launch Party!!

OMG... I must be the luckiest guy ever. I got selected to host a Windows 7 Launch Party at my house!! Come one, come all, it's time to get our Windows 7 on... I mean, look how much fun this is going to be (shit, the guy at the computer obviously hasn't had this much fun since Windows 2000 came out).

Here's 5 things that came to mind when I read this email:

1) What the fuck?!

2) Every person in this picture should be ashamed of themselves (despite their amazing acting abilities)

3) Someone needs to tell Microsoft that an operating system is not a Wii

4) If I invited my friends over to my Windows 7 launch party, I'd no longer have any friends

5) How many of these people are white in the European version?

By the way, I heard that Windows 7 is pretty good. Maybe they should advertise the product instead.